So Bad, It’s Good: A Celebration of Horrible Horror Cinema
While I often find myself seeking out movies that are well made and have substance, there is a certain subset of films that are enjoyed not for their quality but precisely for their lack of it. This is the realm of the camp, crap and absurd. Where the saying “So Bad, It’s Good” can save an otherwise terrible picture from falling into the depths of irrelevancy. I have decided to compile a list of four films that fit this criteria to a T, so please enjoy!
“Plan 9 from Outer Space” (1957): “Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future.”
For the longest time, when the discussion of what the worst movie ever made was, this film was crowned with that unenviable distinction. The plot follows the story of a grieving family, where an Old Man (played by Béla Lugosi, the star of 1931’s “Dracula”) got hit by a car and was buried in a grave next to his wife (played by Malia Nurmi). After hearing some disturbances at the local cemetery, detective Daniel Clay (played by Tor Johnson) discovered that their bodies had been taken over…by “GRAVE ROBBERS FROM OUTER SPACE!!!”
Apparently, humanity had been advancing too quickly into the atomic age, and the aliens feared that Earth would soon build a bomb that would destroy the universe. So naturally, they decided to resort to their ninth best plan and reanimate the recently deceased from their coffins. The production of this film was depicted in Tim Burton’s 1994 Academy Award winning biopic “Ed Wood,” where Martin Landau won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for playing Béla Lugosi. Due to Lugosi’s untimely demise, an extra was often forced to stand in for him in scenes, a practice known in the industry as being a fake Shemp. My rating for “Plan 9 from Outer Space” is a surprisingly enjoyable 4/10.
“Manos: The Hands of Fate” (1966): “Manos, god of primal darkness. As thou has decreed, so have I done. The hands of fate have doomed this man. Thy will is done.”
In the not too distant past, last Sunday A.D., I decided to watch a cheesy movie for these reviews. I landed on this absolute piece of crap courtesy of Minnesota’s own “Mystery Science Theater 3000” (which began airing on KTMA-TV, our local channel 23.) The plot followsfollowed a family (no last name was given, I guess they never thought that far) who go on a vacation to El Paso, Texas and stumble upon a shifty individual named Torgo. He offered to let them stay the night in his secluded house and then tried to sacrifice them to the deity Manos (Español para “hands.”)
After a small round of polygamist shenanigans, the Father and the Dog are murdered, and the Mother and the (EXTREMELY YOUNG) Daughter are forced to become the Master’s wives, apparently standing still for all of eternity. The historical background of the film is also fascinating as the director Harold P. Warren funded the production from his job as a fertilizer salesman after losing a bet to his friend Stirling Silliphant, who would later go on to write the screenplay for the 1967 Best Picture winner “In the Heat of the Night.” If you are wondering how these characters eat and breathe, and other “science” facts, repeat to yourself it is just a bad movie, you should really just relax. My rating for “Manos: The Hands of Fate” is a shoddy 1/10.
“Troll 2” (1990) = “They’re eating her! And then they’re going to eat me! OH MY GAHHHHHHHHD!”
Often touted as one of the most ironically enjoyable movies of all time “Troll 2” (which has no relation at all to 1986’s “Troll”) still manages to “entertain” after more than 30 years. The story follows a family who decide to vacation in the secluded town of Nilbog (goblin spelled backward) for a month and have to fend off evil vegetarian goblins (not trolls) from turning them into plants. The reason the script is so terrible is that the crew only spoke Italian, and the director refused to let the cast improve on his broken translations. While the victims are supposedly killed by producing liquid “chlorophyll” out of every orifice, it just looks like they spilled antifreeze on them instead.
The reason the movie was made is because the director’s wife was “pissed off” that all her friends were becoming vegetarians. I guess the moral of the story is to follow the advice of your dead and damned Grandpa Seth by urinating all over the family dinner table, eating a double-decker bologna sandwich and terminating all vegetarians on sight with extreme prejudice. At least “Troll 2” gave us a funny meme, so I give the film a low 2/10.
“Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)”: “Look at these birds! I wonder how they died like that!”
This is the newest movie on this list, and unfortunately, it is also the worst. The “plot” follows a couple with no chemistry named Rod and Nathalie as they go about their day working as a software engineer and a Victoria’s Secret model, respectively. Around them, the world is changing rapidly, as spontaneous wildfires appear and birds are dying constantly all around them. Then, the birds are revealed to be mutated by global warming and can now spit toxic acid and spontaneously combust in glorious 240p resolution. After they have a conversation with a self professed “Tree Hugger” where they learn the dangers of global warming, doves appear and the birds fly off into the sunset.
James Nguyễn, the director, has stated the main inspirations for the movie were Alfred Hitchcock’s 1963 classic film “The Birds” and Al Gore’s 2006 Oscar winning documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.” While I may believe that climate change is an existential threat to the survival of our species, the potential for it to create mutant vultures was not high on my list of reasons why. The film has all the usual micro budget hallmarks: Washed out lighting, atrocious sound, wooden acting and so on. I wish I could enjoy the film like so many other people, but it lacks any real substance. My rating for “Birdemic: Shock and Terror” is a dismal 1/10.