Whether you’re a naïve first-year student or an all-knowing senior at Hamline, you see many of the same students in all of your classes. Some of those familiar faces you love —they reinforce why you chose Hamline, and then there are the others that make you question life itself. I chose the top five common head-scratching students you see in all of your classes.

The one who never studies and always gets good grades.

You’re suspicious about this one. Are they a mindreader? Did they go back in time just to piss everyone off? They’re always sleeping, texting, talking about how they actually had fun this weekend; and yet, without fault, they leave with higher than 90 percent on their test and a big dumb smile on their face.

You try to ask for their help one day and they end up speaking in tongues making you even more suspicious. Aliens. They’re probably an alien.

The one that nearly every class says, “Wait, we had something due today?”

How? How does this happen every time? Are they failing? Are they working with the never-studies-alien? Or do they really need help?

You consider giving them a few bucks for a planner but you assume nothing will ever change. Maybe they’re living in a Twilight Zone every day of their life and you start getting empathetic until they’re in your group working on a project and they forgot to do anything. Screw them.

The one that comes in late nearly every day.

I get it—sometimes people wake up late, or tea doesn’t brew fast enough. But really? It’s every freaking day and a 2 o’clock class. What is so important? One time they even came to class when only 10 minutes were left. What’s the point?

They seem way too confident for being someone who is always late. They say that those who are always late tend to be the creative type but I think that’s bull. Maybe they created the article about ‘late people being creative’ and that was one of the reasons they were late.

The one who always has 

something to say.

This person seems to have a story about everything and anything. They understand every issue of diversity first-hand, and they love to talk about it in class, all the time. They’re the first and last person to raise their hand. Everything they say is the most important piece of information, even more important than what the professor has to say.

Did you know that they are in Greek life? Did you know that they’re a vegan and they think you should be one too? Did you know they don’t have a Facebook and stopped watching TV because the media is corrupt? They have anecdotes for literally anything. How? Are they a thousand years old? Did each leading member of a diversity group on campus ask them to speak up in all of their classes?

Of course, sometimes what they say is relevant and fair, and sometimes it’s just a good time for them to talk about this super amazing and life-changing volunteer program they went through. We get it.

The one with all of the snacks.

It all started with a simple apple and bottle of water, but this student has slowly transformed into Bobby Flay and begun bringing feasts to class. You want to be friends with this one, for sure. You wonder if they just don’t have enough time to eat after class, or if their metabolism is so fast that they have to eat every hour or they’ll die.

They’ve brought normal snacks in, and then full meals like sandwiches, sushi, tacos, a full Thanksgiving dinner. It clearly says ‘no food’ on the syllabus, but this person is a rebel for the ages. They’re going for it and they’re going for it hard.

Start looking out for these students; maybe you can find out if any of them are aliens.