My mom told me Ruth Bader Ginsburg died when we were in the living room and my first reaction was profound sadness. I had looked up to this very powerful woman for years and now that was just gone. I then felt scared to death and anxiety-ridden. Those feelings turned into utter guilt within five or ten seconds. I yelled at myself that it wasn’t right to think about that. I should be grieving RBG’s death, not focusing on my personal beliefs and rights. How could I be so selfish and self centered? An icon, a woman, just died and I’m focusing on the future of the Supreme Court? 

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. My Facebook feed was quickly filled with people expressing the exact things I was feeling in my heart. I felt less alone and less guilty. There was less than fifty days until the election.d There was no way they could get a new judge in before the election. And then Amy Coney Barrett entered the picture. 

As I write this, it has been a week since Barrett’s confirmation and the sting has not worn off. It has only deepened. I had the pleasure of not knowing about the confirmation for a few hours. I even watched a video on Barrett the same day without realizing that she had been confirmed. My mom told me at dinner and there has been a weight on my chest ever since.

For about a week, I was weighed down with depression, exhaustion and insomnia. What was going to happen? What about my healthcare and my medications? I went to bed that night feeling worse than I have in months. I could barely sleep. Over the week, my exhaustion turned into rage and anger.

Now, why is Barrett’s confirmation keeping me awake at night and making my blood boil? Because this can change my life and the lives of my loved ones in unsafe and inhumane ways.

Roe v. Wade may be overturned. Abortion is not only a human right, it is also a life saving medical procedure for some people. Without abortion, men will have even more power over women than they already do. Last week, I thought that if abortion was overturned, I would become more careful about what I do with my body if and when the time comes. And then I realized, that is what they want to have happen.

Some of Barrett’s stances are denying the harm of the n-word, thinking judges’ religious views should be put about the laws, doesn’t believe in Miranda Rights and thinks judges should be able to ignore precedent if they don’t like it amongst other things. This is basically a death threat to Black people, a pair of handcuffs to women and a middle finger to everyone who does not have the exact same beliefs as her. 

People claim that this country was founded on religious freedom. But, Christianity has always had a huge hand in our country’s law. This country was founded in 1776 and same-sex marriage was just legalized five years ago. Gay people are now quickly getting married in case they lose that right.

Minorities have walked on eggshells forever and we are exhausted. We just want to live our lives, but we can’t because our leaders and our oppressors won’t let us.

I’m scared that my healthcare will be taken away. I’ve fought this battle for 21 years and I don’t see an end in sight. I deserve a break. I deserve to rest. All minorities do.