Being on campus for the first time for something besides picking up textbooks in 18 months brought a lot of complex emotions. I was overjoyed that I finally got my freedom back. I was grateful for the beautiful weather. I was scared to death that I was making a huge mistake being on campus as a high risk individual. I was stressed about how people who didn’t know me and my disability would stare at me. But as I was passing Drew Science Center and heading towards the library, a new feeling washed over me. A feeling of complete heartbreak.

In my sophomore year, I got something I’ve wanted since I was a small child; a small, but strong and healthy friendship group. We would eat in the cafeteria almost everyday and even go to the movies and order takeout sometimes. But, sometimes it’s the small things that get me through the day. One of my best friends graduated this past May and now has his own job. I’m so proud of him. 

But as Old Main Lawn came into view, I got memories of us walking to the art studio last spring so he could show me his sculptures for the class he was taking at the time. We would go after lunch sometimes, laughing and chatting all away across campus before me heading to class and him heading back to his dorm. One of my absolute favorite memories of my college experience (so far) is when I saw him on the last day of J-term my sophomore year. I was headed to Anderson and he was headed back to his dorm. We were both so happy to see each other and we must have hugged for a minute or two straight before he tagged along and just sat with me while I ate.

“I know I’m not alone in this feeling. Current juniors and seniors were forced off campus in a matter of a couple days. We didn’t get the time to say our proper goodbyes or even knew we needed to say proper goodbyes.”

This had never happened to me before. He could just go back to the dorm to take a nap or chill out, but instead, he decided to just sit and catch up with me.

I know I’m not alone in this feeling. Current juniors and seniors were forced off campus in a matter of a couple days. We didn’t get the time to say our proper goodbyes or even knew we needed to say proper goodbyes.

Some crap advice would be just to text our old friends and  plan a night out or a Skype hang out. But, here’s the thing. We’ve been doing that for the past 18 months. My friend and I Skype whenever we can with our busy schedules, but we both miss being together on campus.

We can’t go forward like nothing happened, cause it has. We are living through a world pandemic and now dealing with the delta variant. This sucks! It’s okay to miss your friends and be angry about this. That’s healthy! Take care of yourselves cause there is no end to this pandemic anytime soon.