We’re all worried, darling, have some tea

Old Hollywood drama is back, baby, and I cannot wait for it.

Robin Doyscher, Managing Editor

There is a movie directed by actress Olivia Wilde called “Don’t Worry Darling,” and it seems to have caused quite a stir. Now, I love Hollywood drama — one, because I derive immense personal fulfillment from misery and two, because I am not quite done kicking British people when they’re down. They know what they did and I refuse to let them off the hook.

Former boyband member turned solo artist turned Wilde’s fling, Harry Styles, has been breaking into acting for a while now. You may remember him in Christopher Nolan’s 2017 film, “Dunkirk,” in which Styles creates a riveting portrayal of a young man who talks just enough to make you say ‘hey, that’s Harry Styles!’ but not enough to say ‘Oh, that’s Harry Styles’ in a more disparaging tone. However, the encouraging to disparaging meter has shifted more towards the latter as more has unfolded surrounding “Don’t Worry Darling.”
First, it was a clip of Styles’ acting alongside Florence Pugh. Now, Styles had truly gotten his acting start back in 2012 with ‘iGo One Direction’ an episode on Season 6 of iCarly, but this was Styles’ first leading role. And if I could describe his acting in one word I would use the word ‘pulchritudinous.’ Not because it’s the most fitting word, but because it doesn’t make any sense. Just like his acting. I think he did a great impression of a British person imitating a 1930s Transatlantic accented oil baron using a New York paperboy’s cadence to mimic a British person.

Second, Olivia Wilde seemingly fired former actors in “Holes” and “Even Stevens,” Shia Lebouf because he was making actor Florence Pugh uncomfortable. Now this feels like the right move — Shia Lebouf has recently been in court due to abuse accusations raised against him from fellow famous person and musician, FKA Twigs. These accusations have been partly corroborated by Lebouf himself. I always err on the side of believing victims, so this seemed like a good idea. However, Shia Lebouf decided to retaliate in the form of leaked emails, texts and a video of Wilde lamenting about Lebouf’s departure from the production and expressing frustration at Pugh’s refusal to work with him.

Third, Chris Pine ascended to the astral plane at some point during marketing since he seemed extremely checked out during the press conferences — especially during the quite remarkable event when Harry Styles remarked that what he likes the best about “Don’t Worry Darling ” is that it’s a ‘movie that really feels like a movie.’ I think that is spot-on since nowadays most movies feel too much like Irish river dancing, but nobody wants to listen to my opinion. However, this comment did spark a great degree of derision and mockery from those all across the internet. Now, I fervently believe that mocking Europeans in public forums is one of the greatest joys in life, and I admit I was giggling in unusually patriotic glee at watching yet another Britishman be mocked.

And then, Florence Pugh backs out of nearly all marketing efforts. Instead choosing to promote her 2023 film “Oppenheimer,” following the creation of the atomic bomb during World War II, a movie about a notoriously controversial subject that has created less waves than a ridiculous film that nobody knows the story to.

Also, nobody knows the actual story of this film. What is the plot of “Don’t Worry Darling?” Honestly, who knows? The advertisements paint the film as a torrid love story between two people wanting different things in life. A man who wants movies to feel like movies, and a woman who simply wants to promote her feel-good film about the atomic bomb instead of her current project. According to IMDb, an actual reputable source, the film is a psychological thriller following a 1950s housewife discovering that her husband’s company is involved in an eerie stepford wives-esque plot regarding women in their neighborhood. However, I like my interpretation better.

Lastly, at the 2022 Venice film festival it seemed it all came to a boiling point. There was a viral clip of Harry Styles allegedly spitting on cast member Chris Pine, which was debunked by both actors, but still overshadowed the actual film’s premiere. Once the movie concluded, Florence Pugh received a standing ovation after which she left early, prompting her castmates to follow her per regulation at the 2022 Venice film fest. Following several backhanded instagram posts made by Florence Pugh’s stylists and publicists, Wilde quickly went on the record to squash any rumors of ill-will among the director and lead actress.

Now, where are we? The film is currently in the process of entering into theaters with a North American release date being confirmed as Sept. 23, 2022. However, with how quiet the promotion has been around this film it seems that the actors are hoping to keep this film under wraps. So now, the title of the film makes a bit more sense. Instead of “Don’t Worry Darling” being a statement, it’s now an earnest request.