As it looks fairly inconspicuous from the outside, one may not expect to be in the presence of Internet royalty when they stand in front of Cafe Astoria. The little cafe got their local celebrity status due to the “24k Latte” on their secret menu, as well as many other creative coffee creations like the “Peppermint Rainbow Mocha” and “Campfire Latte.”

For the most part the drinks stay around the $4 to $5 price range, while simpler drinks like drip coffee and Americano cost around $2 or $3. The items on their secret menu tend to cost around $7 or $8, which isn’t surprising considering the “24k Latte” has flakes of real gold in it. They also offer “Smoothie Bowls” for around $8, oatmeal for $6, and various other fruit and pastries for about $4.

Thanks to their colorful presentations, the cafe was completely packed when I walked in on a Sunday afternoon. It became clear when I walked in that this was not the kind of cafe where you can sit down and study for hours like I had hoped. I was told the wait for a table was around 20 minutes.

“My girlfriend and I have been here for like half an hour, and I think there’s still some people in front of us,” said customer Andrew Johnson.

It seemed many people were in the same position, as the small waiting area near the front felt suffocating. With the place packed and no signs telling me what to do, I had to ask three employees before I figured out how to order a Mocha to go.

While waiting for my coffee, I talked to four friends, all of whom were sitting with various fancy drinks they ordered from the secret menu.

“The campfire latte is super good, and it looks so cool”, patron Alice Williams said.  

To Cafe Astoria’s credit, it did not take long to make my mocha, despite the fact that I waited in line for about three minutes for the barista to hand it to me.  

While the atmosphere left something to be desired, I had high hopes for the coffee the Internet fawned over. I am not a coffee snob by any means; I have my preferences but I’ll happily drink it from almost anywhere. That being said, this was the worst coffee I have ever tasted. More like water than coffee, it was as if they put a teaspoon of instant coffee in a cup full of water and then added a drop of chocolate syrup. It left an uncomfortable aftertaste that I couldn’t quite place. Not being one to let a $4 drink go to waste, I tried to ignore the taste and finish it anyway. This was not my smartest move. An hour later, I began to feel nauseous, and since the mocha from Cafe Astoria was the only thing I ate that was new to me, I can only assume that it was the culprit.

In short, my visit to Cafe Astoria was stressful, expensive, unsatisfying, and nauseating. If you’re going there for the Instagram picture, it may be worth it, but if you’re looking for good coffee you’re better off staying on campus and going to Starbucks.